


you forget we were in love

by spinner_of_yarns



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Nonbinary Aziraphale (Good Omens), Or Is It?, Other, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner_of_yarns/pseuds/spinner_of_yarns
Summary: Crowley has a tendency to confess his feelings and then say he doesn’t remember saying anything. Aziraphale worries.





	you forget we were in love

**Author's Note:**

> I arrive at the ace omens discord challenge fifteen minutes late with a starbucks. Glad I managed to find out about it on the last day. Tittle’s from Queen, because of course it is. (The song is Let Me In Your Heart Again. I’m glad I found it, cause I was this close to using a lyric from I’m In Love With My Car.) Stay tuned for a podfic coming later today.

_I love you_, Crowley had said that day, apropos of nothing. They were sitting on a roof of a church (desecrated, of course) together, stargazing. Aziraphale wasn’t even doing anything.

They turned to him, wide eyed. “What did you say, dear boy?” He couldn’t have possibly said what Aziraphale thought he said, could he?

“Eeeeh, i mean, mmngk. I don’t remember.”

Aziraphale couldn’t help but be disappointed, a little. They didn’t think anything of it then, the demon must have just not been paying attention to what he was saying. If he didn’t remember it, he must have not meant it.

_I love you_, Crowley said when Aziraphale kissed her hand goodbye.

“What did you say?” they asked, feeling a terrible sense of déjà vu.

“Nothing!” Crowley answered quickly. “I didn’t say anything, angel. Cat got your ears? Wait. That’s not how that one goes. Nevermind. I have to go. Bye!”

She ran off, leaving Aziraphale alone with their thoughts. Did she mean it? If she said it again, maybe she meant it the first time, too. But what was that if she couldn’t remember?

Come to think of it, Crowley often denied remembering saying nice things, not just this. Maybe it was a demon thing. Demons weren’t nice and they certainly didn’t love angels. Maybe it was something like an allergic reaction. Did allergy symptoms include amnesia? Humans have yet to discover allergies, so it’s not like there was anyone they could ask.

They worried about it, naturally, but there wasn’t anything they could do. Maybe it was for the best. Aziraphale could never say it back, anyway.

_I love you, _Crowley said when they were drinking mead together.

_You’re lucky I love you_, Crowley grumbled when they lost a coin toss.

_That’s not what I want it for, love_, Crowley insisted, shoving a paper in Aziraphale’s hand.

At a certain point, Aziraphale learned not to ask if they knew what they said. It hurt too much, to see Crowley forget. Maybe if they didn’t ask, they could pretend that Crowley remembered. That Crowley meant it.

On the bus ride to London after the failed Apocalypse, Crowley started crying.

“Oh, my dear, what is the matter?” Aziraphale fretted, not sure if they should touch him. “Please don’t cry.”

“I thought you were dead,” Crowley whispered hoarsely and Aziraphale just couldn’t take it anymore.

They reached out, hugging Crowley close. “I’m here, Crowley. I’m alive.”

Crowley was trying to say something, but Aziraphale couldn’t understand him through the sobbing. They thought he said _I can’t lose you_ and _I love you so much_, but they just couldn’t be sure.

After the Ritz, they went back to Crowley’s apartment. They didn’t talk about this decision, they just went there. They opened a bottle of wine and sat on the beautiful but quite uncomfortable sofa. They didn’t talk. Everything that’s happened, it was all too exhausting. There wasn’t anything to say.

Except maybe one thing.

“Crowley?”

“Yes, angel?”

“I want to tell you something.”

Crowley turned to Aziraphale. “Alright.”

“I’ve wanted to tell for a very long time, but I couldn’t. And I know it’s useless, you’ll forget anyway, but I just need to say it.”

Crowley took their hand, so gently. “If it’s that important to you, I’d never forget it, angel.”

Aziraphale smiled sadly. “I wish that was true, my dear.”

He looked confused, which shouldn’t have been surprising. He didn’t remember any of it. Of course it confused him.

“I love you.”

Crowley’s face lit up like every star he put up in the sky was beneath his skin. He was so beautiful. “I love you too.”

Aziraphale waited for the other shoe to drop.

Slowly, Crowley’s smile slipped.

_Ah_, Aziraphale thought, _there it is_.

“Why aren’t you happy?” Crowley asked instead. He hasn’t forgotten yet, it seemed.

“Because you’ll forget.” A tear ran down their cheek. Crowley lifted the hand that wasn’t holding Aziraphale’s and brushed the tear away. His hand lingered on their cheek and Aziraphale couldn’t stand looking at him, so they turned away.

“How could I ever forget this?”

“You always do.”

Crowley drew back. “No. You’ve…you’ve never told me before. Have you?”

“No,” admitted Aziraphale. “I haven’t. But you’ve said it so many times now. And you always forget.”

To their surprise, Crowley started laughing.

“This isn’t funny, Crowley!” they snapped.

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed, but kept laughing. “It’s really embarrassing. And also a little funny.”

He cupped their face properly and tilted their head so they had to look at him. “I never forgot.”

“But-yes, you did! You always say you don’t remember!”

“Yeah,” he nodded, a little sheepishly. “I did say that. But, you know, there’s this thing one can do. I don’t know if you’ve heard about it. It’s called lying?”

Aziraphale dropped Crowley’s hand. “You lied to me?”

“I was scared! And embarrassed. I didn’t mean to.”

They looked down at their shoes. “You didn’t?” they asked. They sounded so small.

“I didn’t mean to say it, but I did mean it.” Aziraphale jerked their head back up. Crowley’s face was as sincere as it ever was when talking to them. “I thought you stopped asking cause you didn’t want things to be awkward, I didn’t realize you thought I had amnesia.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “It is a little funny.” They took Crowley’s hand again, lacing their fingers together. “We’ve been fools, haven’t we?”

“I suppose we have. And to think of all the time we’ve wasted. We could’ve been together this whole time.”

Aziraphale’s face turned sad. “No, we couldn’t have.”

“We couldn’t,” Crowley agreed. “Then I guess it’s good that it took us so long.”

“Nothing’s keeping us apart anymore. Not even our own incompetence.”

Crowley laughed. “Shut up, angel.”

“Well, I couldn’t talk if I was otherwise occupied.”

Crowley rolled his eyes and kissed them. Only to shut them up, mind you. No other reason whatsoever.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [you forget we were in love (podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21268580) by [spinner_of_yarns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinner_of_yarns/pseuds/spinner_of_yarns)


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